This Is The Way That I Say I Need You

Tonight, I was finally able to log in to my old Myspace account.  Pretty long story but basically, I had forgotten the password to my account on Myspace AND the email I had connected to it.  Turns out, Hotmail had deleted my old email account, so I was able to recreate the same email and have the password reset email sent so I could finally reset my password and get into my account!  

Um, YAY!  

I had so many old pictures on there that I had lost when a computer crashed years ago, so being the sentimental person that I am, I am just so excited to have them back and excited is an understatement.  I just spent the last few hours laughing til my stomach hurt and tearing up a bit while clicking through all my pictures, reading all the old comments, and reading all my old blog posts that I had posted through Myspace (and I had forgotten about those).  I am actually pretty surprised at how good of a writer I was then.  I totally wish I could put words to my emotions like I used to be able to.  I'm sure it's because I stopped writing for so long and I used to write a LOT.  

Anyways, I just wanted to share one of the shorter posts from my old Myspace.  I'm totally gonna leave the HTML as it was posted on Myspace too.  I'm sharing this because I think it's a good reminder for me of what I used to want and how I used to think.  I also think it's interesting that I still have that same aching in my heart, but it aches duller than before.  I don't know if that's because I've made progress towards satisfying my heartaches or if it's just because I've pushed it all to the back.  But maybe it's my final afterthought that explains it all...

It was posted March 12, 2008.  

I've got an aching in my heart but I don't know what for.

I want forgiveness.  Innocence.  Open minds.
I crave summer nights and summer sun.
I want something different, something that will make me want to wake up everyday.
I want a song.  One that holds meaning.
School needs to be only for those who want to be closed in.
I want to skip to the part where I see reconciliation with my family.
I need change.  New faces.  New scenery.
I want to be needed and I need to be wanted.
I want sense.  And direction.  And spontaniety.
I want what used to be.
I want the life I've dreamt up.
I don't want to settle.  I don't want to stay in this place for long.
I need for someone to push me into motion.
I need for someone to understand my inner workings and identify with it.
I need reassurance.
I want constant motion.  I want constant voices.
I want my sister as my best friend.  I want my family as my support group.
I need my uncle back. 
I want freedom.  And love.  And selflessness.
I need a sweet escape with someone different.
I want passionate people to motivate.

 

But then again, I don't know what I want.
I am one confused mind.

 

 

 

may 14, 2008
and i've come to realize that this is life without God.

What I Learned Today, In The Grand Scheme Of Things

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. 

But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.

And yes, I'm totally being cryptic here.

Daughters Will Love Like You Do

I've been so busy (well, with sleeping and organizing and creating tutorials for the computer for my grandparents) that I haven't really had time to write on my blog.  

My dad's birthday was 6 days ago now and I'm just now getting around to posting his birthday post :)

Happy birthday Dad!  

You know I'm not really one for expressing how I feel about people but I just wanted to write a post celebrating YOU!  I just wanted you to know that in my 21 years of life, you have set a great example of many things and it was hard to choose just one to write about.  But as I'm growing older, one of these things has really come to the surface for me - your incredible chivalry.  It's something I started to notice in high school (although I'm sure you've had this quality my whole life), how you would always open the door for mom (and Hannah and I) and carry my bag when you would pick me up sick from school, among other things.  The way you treat Mom sets a perfect example of how all men should treat their women.  I always loved how you would mention "I miss mom" with a sigh and far away look when Mom was gone.  I know I may seem annoyed when you do this, but secretly, I'm hoping that whoever I end up with does that with me.  You really have set the bar extremely high for whatever man I marry.

It's not just me who notices your chivalrous heart.  A few weeks ago, I went and picked up Anh from school and when we got home, he jumped out of the car, ran around to my door and opened it up for me.  In doing so, he said "I've never seen my dad do this for my mom.  Your dad does it for your mom all the time."  I loved that he noticed it too.  It speaks volumes.

Thanks for being a good example of how a man worthy of me should treat me.
Besides life, it's probably one of the best things you could have ever given me.  

Love you and I like you :)

PS: Don't ever stop going on all the rollarcoasters with me :)